Even the Gods are lunatics sometimes
by TotallyWeird
Summary: After causing rebellion, a God's Guardian is punished into choosing a human master to serve. SasuSaku. Rating might change in the future.
1. Prologue

AN: Hiya! So. Yeah. This is going to be a (hopefully) light hearted romantic story between a stoic ex Guardian and a young woman struggling to make her ends meet.

* * *

Prologue

The Punishment

* * *

The rebelling Guardian – though it seems ironic to call him any of the like, as he completely failed at rebelling, hence him getting caught – glared viciously at the Goddess of Rebuke as she chattered on about what an idiot he was. "You can't exactly escape from me, you know. A Guardian is a Guardian, and that's the end of it. You don't have a say in it. All Gods and Goddesses need their Guardians to keep up the balance between them all and make sure no one gets out of hand. Do you actually understand how grave your sin truly is?"

"Hn."

"I know you do. But you just don't care, huh? You know that a God missing one of his Guardians would be in extreme danger from his rivals. And if something were to happen to this one God, nature's balance would be completely unhinged? Geez, I'll never get to like you, Uchiha Sasuke. No one in your family is very likeable, to be honest. All of you thinking you have the right to decide what to do with your lives. You're all born selfish, I tell you."

Sasuke continued to glare at her, unconsciously tugging at the invisible bounds keeping his hands tied behind his back. He was positive of the fact that her never ending one-sided conversations were part of his punishment.

"Yes, that is a good theory," she said, reading his mind. "But I've got a much more fun punishment waiting for you.

"Since you Uchihas hate serving the Gods so much, how about you go and try serving human beings instead, hm?"

The sadistic glint in the Goddesses gaze caused Sasuke's eyes to narrow.

"You seem to not think very much of this idea, neither good nor bad. But I'll tell you, Uchiha; humans are troublesome creatures. And you have one human hour to find yourself a suitable master. And you shall show your choice through a kiss. Once this kiss is placed on the humans lips, you will serve him or her until the human dies."

It still didn't sound all that bad to Sasuke. He didn't understand how these circumstances were punishment enough for his sinful acts. He'd been expecting to be sent to the Devil and being tortured, but this was nothing of the like. Not that he'd ever been to the human world for a long enough time to completely get an idea of how human nature worked, but a human only lived for approximately ninety years, give or take. That was nothing compared to the eternity of life he had waiting for him.

The only detail in this scheme of punishment that he revolted against was the kiss. Guardians weren't allowed to show any form of attraction towards each other, let alone kiss. Sasuke had heard of Gods who demanded sexual pleasure of their Guardians and no other consequence than rumor of it being spread occurred as it wasn't against the law. Gods using their Guardians was one thing. Guardians falling in love with each other was a completely different one.

There was a story of two Guardians who fell in love with each other. It had been told so many times that Sasuke had heard plenty different versions of it. But something they all had in common was that the punishment was outstandingly brutal; they'd been ripped of their powers and they had been thrown in opposite corners of hell. Rumor had it that it was the Gods' way of warning Guardians not to get distracted from their responsibilities.

He supposed the kiss was an evil little detail interlaced just for the heck of it.

"Ah, yes," the Goddess of Rebuke exclaimed. "Speaking of those two lovebirds. Their punishment actually does have a little something in common with yours." And with that, a wicked grin took place on her face, spreading from one ear to the other.

With speed that defied time, her face was inches from his, and soon her hand was spread across his forehead. She giggled, and the sound of it turned all blood inside the already cold-hearted Guardian into ice. "You're powers are to be taken from you."

The words hit him like the curse they were. Powers to a Guardian, and every other spiritual creature for that matter, were like their life essence. Without their powers, they would cease to exist.

The Goddess snorted. "Of course they don't cease to exist. That's just a silly belief you lesser creatures have. If you died, what good would your punishment do, hm? If we wanted you to die, you would've joined the dead a long time ago. No, it's your immortality that's keeping you alive and existing, not your powers. And I won't touch your immortality."

There were suddenly a few yards between them again, which lessened Sasuke's discomfort vastly.

Yet, Sasuke's most immense troubles lay with his punishment. No matter what the Goddess claimed, he just couldn't imagine himself existing without his powers. It felt surreal down to the bottom of his core, and he was honestly pissed off for getting caught. Somehow he'd always known that he'd be caught in the end. There was simply no running from Gods.

And he had suspected a horrible punishment, but this was just… pissy.

The world surrounding him and the Goddess turned blurry for a moment, and then started outlining the shapes of buildings and sidewalks, benches, cars, trees.

Neither he nor the Goddess found it interesting enough to break away from their locked gazes. It was just magic, after all.

The Goddess smiled briskly and turned, the world around them still forming. As she walked away, she tuned out as the world tuned in. Just in time before she vanished, she looked at him over her shoulder and exclaimed, "Oh, and if you don't kiss a human on the lips within an hour, we'll send you to the devil instead. Now then, have a nice punishment. I'm off to see how the other Gods decide to solve your absence in heaven. Ta-ta, Uchiha."

* * *

AN: So, the first chapter is pretty much finished so I'll be uploading it soon enough. In a couple of days, probably.

Now, I don't have any actual plans for this fic. I'm kinda writing it as I go. So, if you happen to have any ideas, any at all, then leave a review or pm me! (Oh, I love me some mail. (Was about to try to write PM in plural, which turned out as PMs, and that's not really... well. "Love me some pms." Of course. I mean, why not. x) ))

And from now on I'll be responding to all reviews! I haven't done it before, since I didn't realize how fun it actually is to recieve a reply to a review until I got one myself. Haha. Anyhow, I know there might not be all that much to review yet, but please leave at least a few words! I'll reward you with a cookie. And maybe a seahorse. But only maybe.

So, good day, good morning, or good night! Hope you had an enjoyable read! :D


	2. Elevators

Chapter one

Food

* * *

The heavy bags bounced against Sakura's legs as she toiled them through the doorway. She was carrying all the food she'd need two coming weeks.

_All the food you can _afford_ to need the coming weeks, you mean. _

Sakura sighed in her irk. _Right. God, please give me a time machine so that I can shoot the person who invented money._

She stopped at the end of the hallway and put the bags on the floor as she contemplated. Before her was one elevator and then a door that led to the stairs. She was dragging heavy bags. She needed to get to her apartment, which was on the third floor. She wanted to take the elevator. Problem: elevator had a knack for going total retard and trapping people in it.

As she stood there, contemplating, she thought about how she half felt sorry for the poor dude who invented money, considering how many people who wanted to kill him. She thought about her mother. She'd probably scold Sakura for being so silly as to believing that one person stood behind such a thing as economy.

And with that, Sakura punched the elevator button with a groan. _Too much political shit, too late in the evening. _

Which brought along another problem into Sakura's mind. It was getting darker and darker earlier in the evening for every day that passed. Soon, the first snow would make its grand arrival. And that meant Sakura needed to get herself a better jacket, since her old one got pretty much butchered after that fight last year. Not that that one had kept her very warm anyways, but it was certainly better than nothing.

And so she punched the button again. Harder than last time. Maybe a little too hard, she pondered, but decided that she just couldn't care.

She'd lived in this building the last five years, and Sakura hadn't heard of the landlady raising a single finger to fix the stupid elevator. Sakura supposed she should feel lucky she had an elevator at all, considering the overall crappiness of the rest of the building.

It had been built in the fifties, Sakura had heard, and apparently it had been a good apartment building for its time, hence the elevator being there in the first place. But if no one looked after the building and repaired it now and then, what was the point?

_The point is that poor, sad creatures such as yourself should afford a place with roof over her head._

The button was punched one third time.

"Does it help if you punch it?" a monotone, unfamiliar voice called out from behind her.

Sakura gave a start and whisked around, only to find a new face diagonally behind her. She immediately bode badly, as he had the type of face that stuck to one's memory, and she had no had memory of him. What could his business here be?

She frowned and faced the elevator doors again. It really was taking its sweet time.

"No," she answered him, trying not to sound too unfriendly, "but I'm feeling a tad bit negative today, and stupid activities like punching elevators' buttons make me feel better."

She immediately found herself wondering why she'd said that to begin with. Probably because he made her a tad bit nervous. People like him didn't belong in this building, really. He looked like he had a lot of secrets. And people with secrets in these quarters of Konoha were more often than not dodgy people whom Sakura did her best to avoid. People who had more often than not offed a couple of people or so.

And then the man said something outrageous that shattered Sakura's previous perception of him. "Where does this elevator take you?"

In that moment, the doors opened and he strode in it. Sakura considered considering telling him that the elevator was a death trap, but decided against it. Instead she wondered what the hell he was talking about. Maybe it was some type of code or something, and he was testing her? Maybe he was really a gangster and he was asking… yeah, what could he possibly be asking if that were a code? As Sakura saw it, there were three possible explanations to all this; either it was impossible to decipher, her brain wasn't cooperating, or this man was just simply a very stupid/loon person.

She realized she'd been staring dumbly at him and that she had to decide whether to get into the elevator with him or not.

His dark orbs eyed her questioningly. "I thought you were waiting for the elevator."

"Uh, yeah, right."

And so, she found herself in one small elevator together with three heavy bags of food and one mysterious murderer/gangster/lunatic/man.

She pushed the level three button and tried not to think about how awkward things were or how she had ignored his question regarding where elevators take people. Since he hadn't pressed a button himself, she guessed that maybe he really just didn't know.

He wasn't going to let her slink by so easily, though. And he asked her again, in that serious, monotone voice. "You didn't answer my question. Where does this elevator take you?"

She blinked at the door in front of her as the elevator cringed as it started to move. She supposed it had gotten about three feet up before it screeched and stopped as abruptly as snail-speed enables you to stop.

_Oh, shit._ _Oh fuck. Oh fucking shit. Why the fuck? _"It seems," Sakura started, her voice dull and incredibly unhappy, "that this elevator isn't going to take us anywhere for some time."

She looked up at the man, who stared blankly back at her, then at the closed doors, and lastly at the plastic bags at her feet. _Well, at least we have food._

* * *

AN: Oh my, who could've guessed that the elevator would stop? Lol. Oh well.

I've realized that if I keep the chapters shorter, my stories will actually be updated. So, I'll be updating at least once a week, I think. Next chapter though should be up tomorrow. Or maybe today, later in the evening.

Hum. So, please review, and remember that I'll respond to every review!

Oh, and please if you notice any weird sentences or inaccurate grammar, do tell me. :)

Have a nice one!

Does anyone actually read the ANs? Lol.


End file.
